*If you are in a relationship with someone who is miserable and unhappy, someone who steals your joy on a daily basis, you definitely will benefit from this post.
My need to learn, know, and grow has fostered a love for books that transcends one genre, which is just a fancy way of saying I love to read. Moreover, since finding myself on a new path, thirsting for answers that I'm still uncovering, my genre of choice has changed from Calgon, Take Me Away! to God, Now What? Ironically, the first book I read from my God, Now What? genre, (unbeknownst to me at the time), was a gift from God that took almost two years for me to open. This may sound like fairies and unicorns but is in reality a truth.
My need to learn, know, and grow has fostered a love for books that transcends one genre, which is just a fancy way of saying I love to read. Moreover, since finding myself on a new path, thirsting for answers that I'm still uncovering, my genre of choice has changed from Calgon, Take Me Away! to God, Now What? Ironically, the first book I read from my God, Now What? genre, (unbeknownst to me at the time), was a gift from God that took almost two years for me to open. This may sound like fairies and unicorns but is in reality a truth.
A few months before my husband's need-to-be-free revelation, while waiting in Walgreen's for my son's prescription to be filled, my eyes were drawn to a circular book stand (filled with books from top to bottom) in the middle of the waiting area. I felt a nudge--a strong pull to flip through the pages of one of the many books on display. Not too long thereafter, a voice from within said, "Buy the book, trust me." Appreciating the title of the book, Living Successfully with Screwed Up People, I listened and bought it. I remember feeling excited about reading a book that could teach me how to survive the storms spurned by my husband's frequent mood swings.. It was my last ditch effort to make my marriage work with a man whom I believed fit the book's title. Yet, as excited as I was about my purchase, and as much as I wanted my happily ever after, I chose to not read it. I tossed it in the basket of books next to my bed and forgot about it.
Well, a year and a half and a move across the country later, this same basket (filled with the books I still had not read) again found its way next to my bed. I had completely forgotten about the book, especially since it was no longer relevant to my newly separated marital status. Needless to say, it astonished me when a voice from within whispered, "Find the book in the basket and read it. You know the one. It's time." Interestingly, I did know which one. I just didn't know why I was expected to read it. My husband was no longer living in my home, so why did I need to learn to live successfully with him? True to form, I listened to the voice; (I have learned the hard way that to ignore the voice is tantamount to holding a medal rod in a barren field in the middle of an electrical storm).
After I read the book, I understood why I purchased it and why I needed to wait to read it. My parents instilled in me that everything happens for a reason, that what some may call chance or coincidence is in actuality a God-wink. My timing was not random. It was perfect. At the time of my purchase, I was not ready to receive the words on the pages. I needed to let life happen to appreciate the message of the book. I needed to see the truth of my reality to understand the lessons I needed for growth.
Reading this book has been life affirming and joy inspiring. Yet, not for reasons one may think. My relationship with my husband is tolerable (sometimes good), but this has nothing to do with why the book has changed my life. The book helped me see my part in my dysfunctional marriage. It showed me that I am responsible for my happy, that no one can steal my joy unless I let them. Moreover, the lessons I've learned I attempt to use daily in all my relationships. However, I must note the lessons to which I am referring are my lessons relevant to my experiences. Even though the book is the impetus that led to these lessons, they are not necessarily the lessons the author intended.
*Before one can change the climate of her relationship, she must first know what her heart heart needs to thrive and then set boundaries.
Ex. For me to be happy, to be a door for joy to flow through, I need to live in a house of peace where I have the freedom to give and receive love as I live my purpose. I will no longer allow anyone to make me feel small or unworthy, will no longer allow my mind to hold me captive to another's opinion, especially if the opinion is hurtful and debilitating. I am willing to change, to bend, to do all that is possible to make my happy, but if my spirit is broken, unable to withstand the thrashing storms of the person hurting me, I am willing to say good bye. I love myself too much to be a wilted rose void of nourishment.
Lesson 1: Reacting to irrational is silly and counterproductive.
Just because someone is unhappy and miserable does not meant I have to be a part of it, no matter how large the bait. Misery loves company, so how I react is crucial to whether I remain a peaceful door for joy to flow through, or an angry storm lashing back with a fury that ignites a storm destroying all in its wake. Because my spirit needs peace to thrive, I choose not to react, to just walk away.
Lesson 2: Waiting to be validated by a person who is unhappy is a debilitating waste of time.
People who are unhappy and not capable of living joy are unable to validate. It makes them feel weak to empower another. So, instead of waiting for validation that will not come, I choose to make my happy and live my joy by doing the things that nourish my heart and feed my spirit.
Lesson 3: Accepting that love comes with conditions is a form of control.
When I allow myself to believe that I have to do this and do that to be on the receiving end of love, I become a martyr with a woe me attitude, and a victim mentality. Unhappy people prey on this and withhold love as a means of control. However, this can only happen if I allow it. Because I love freely, I will not settle for anything but the real thing. Moreover, I will not allow another's inability to love hinder my ability to love.
Well, a year and a half and a move across the country later, this same basket (filled with the books I still had not read) again found its way next to my bed. I had completely forgotten about the book, especially since it was no longer relevant to my newly separated marital status. Needless to say, it astonished me when a voice from within whispered, "Find the book in the basket and read it. You know the one. It's time." Interestingly, I did know which one. I just didn't know why I was expected to read it. My husband was no longer living in my home, so why did I need to learn to live successfully with him? True to form, I listened to the voice; (I have learned the hard way that to ignore the voice is tantamount to holding a medal rod in a barren field in the middle of an electrical storm).
After I read the book, I understood why I purchased it and why I needed to wait to read it. My parents instilled in me that everything happens for a reason, that what some may call chance or coincidence is in actuality a God-wink. My timing was not random. It was perfect. At the time of my purchase, I was not ready to receive the words on the pages. I needed to let life happen to appreciate the message of the book. I needed to see the truth of my reality to understand the lessons I needed for growth.
Reading this book has been life affirming and joy inspiring. Yet, not for reasons one may think. My relationship with my husband is tolerable (sometimes good), but this has nothing to do with why the book has changed my life. The book helped me see my part in my dysfunctional marriage. It showed me that I am responsible for my happy, that no one can steal my joy unless I let them. Moreover, the lessons I've learned I attempt to use daily in all my relationships. However, I must note the lessons to which I am referring are my lessons relevant to my experiences. Even though the book is the impetus that led to these lessons, they are not necessarily the lessons the author intended.
*Before one can change the climate of her relationship, she must first know what her heart heart needs to thrive and then set boundaries.
Ex. For me to be happy, to be a door for joy to flow through, I need to live in a house of peace where I have the freedom to give and receive love as I live my purpose. I will no longer allow anyone to make me feel small or unworthy, will no longer allow my mind to hold me captive to another's opinion, especially if the opinion is hurtful and debilitating. I am willing to change, to bend, to do all that is possible to make my happy, but if my spirit is broken, unable to withstand the thrashing storms of the person hurting me, I am willing to say good bye. I love myself too much to be a wilted rose void of nourishment.
Lesson 1: Reacting to irrational is silly and counterproductive.
Just because someone is unhappy and miserable does not meant I have to be a part of it, no matter how large the bait. Misery loves company, so how I react is crucial to whether I remain a peaceful door for joy to flow through, or an angry storm lashing back with a fury that ignites a storm destroying all in its wake. Because my spirit needs peace to thrive, I choose not to react, to just walk away.
Lesson 2: Waiting to be validated by a person who is unhappy is a debilitating waste of time.
People who are unhappy and not capable of living joy are unable to validate. It makes them feel weak to empower another. So, instead of waiting for validation that will not come, I choose to make my happy and live my joy by doing the things that nourish my heart and feed my spirit.
Lesson 3: Accepting that love comes with conditions is a form of control.
When I allow myself to believe that I have to do this and do that to be on the receiving end of love, I become a martyr with a woe me attitude, and a victim mentality. Unhappy people prey on this and withhold love as a means of control. However, this can only happen if I allow it. Because I love freely, I will not settle for anything but the real thing. Moreover, I will not allow another's inability to love hinder my ability to love.
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